I don’t know why I feel the need to write my thoughts about the Kristen Stewart / Rupert Sanders situation because I’m sure it’s been written and rewritten by many before me as soon as it happened, but here’s my two dollars anyway to add to the webosphere. First, let’s review (you know, in case this EVER gets read in the distant future by people who have no idea who I’m talking about): Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson two young actors who met and fell in love/lust in real life during their filming of the Twilight movie series. (Please don’t get me started on that….you want REAL vampires who are really hot and actually have a story read JR Ward’s ‘The Black Dagger Brotherhood’ series; ‘ The Dark-Hunter’ series by Sherrilyn Kenyon, or even ‘The Anita Blake’ series by Laurell K Hamilton….THEN get back to me about sparkly teen vampires. Seriously.) After many years of being on the same set and traveling and promoting together in comes Rupert Sanders, director of Kristen’s new movie Snow White and the Huntsman. New director on the block, surrounded by A-list celebrities, has a beautiful model wife (who plays Kristen’s mom in the movie), could be seen as handsome by some, and has been married for many years.
Some time after Snow White and the Huntsman comes out Kristen and Rupert are caught on camera canoodling in what they thought was a secluded area. These pictures are hot on the gossip wire and before you know it it’s a publicity storm! Kristen and Rupert publicly apologize, Robert breaks up with Kristen and Liberty gives Rupert an ultimatum if he wants to save his marriage. Will Ferrell has even dubbed Kristen a “trampire”, that’s how bad it’s gotten.
I suppose you could get away with cheating when you’re just a common person, but really, how up in the clouds do you really have to be as a big name celebrity to think that YOU WON’T GET CAUGHT? Hello?? You’re the paparazzi’s bread money! They follow you for a reason. And like roaches, you can’t get rid of them. They’re everywhere. The cheating drug is such a high, you don’t even think about that…or even care. I mean seriously, out in “public”….in a secluded place?! HA!
Unfortunately, cheating is a life experience. For some, cheating is a one-off thing, you learn from it, and hope to a higher power that it doesn’t happen again since you know what that feels like whether you’re the cheatER or the cheatEE, and you wouldn’t subject anyone to that feeling. Either side you’re on, it sucks. Big ones. For others, the serial cheaters, it’s a career. They get bored, they move on, test the waters before they leave their current situation, better if they don’t get caught either. It adds to the excitement.
And those of you with mistresses or other men or contemplating on starting with a dish or few on the side, think about what will happen if you don’t want them around anymore. Piss them off and they’ve got you by the balls. They can blackmail you, tell your family. If you don’t care, have at it. If you do care, is a night or two of excitement worth the disappointment when they find out. Have a good think about the after-effects, especially if you really like your current relationship. Celebrity status or not.
I was a One-Off cheater. Lucky for me, it happened when I was 16 or 17. I was dating this really sexy Puerto Rican a few towns over from me. We had a good time, whenever I could get my parents car, as teenagers do. Then I went on a school trip and met this older guy, but he lived a few hours away. We kept in touch via my pager (lol I am totally dating myself at this time. For all you young’uns out there, a pager (aka beeper) was a tiny black box that you clipped to your belt or what have you. If someone wanted to reach you, they would call your pager’s phone number, after the beep, they would key in the number they wanted you to call back, it would then buzz or beep on your end, you pressed a small button to show you the number, and you would call them back.) I don’t recall how long it was, but I was curious about this older guy who was attracted to me. It was exciting!
So one weekend I planned to stay at my girlfriend’s house, sneak out, then we drive to where older guy was and meet up with him and his friend. We all had a good time, dancing and stuff. Then it was the middle of the night, after the club, us silly teenage girls thought it would be a great idea to go back to this guy’s apartment with him and his friend. (As any adult with a brain, looking back that was foolish and stupid. Lucky for us nothing bad happened. Whew! We were with a couple of gentlemen. So girls, I do not recommend doing that) My girlfriend hooked up with his friend in the living room and I hooked up with this guy in his bedroom. And when I mean hooked up, I mean we just kissed. That was thrilling enough for me at the time. Nothing like a really good, hot make out session. But in the middle of it, I felt really uncomfortable, and I had to leave RIGHT THEN. So I said my good byes and sorries and my girl and I left.
The guilt I felt the next day was unbearable. I called my Puerto Rican boyfriend and told him what happened and that I was really sorry. He was very nice about it, but he broke up with me and I was heartbroken. I made a vow that I would never cheat on anyone again. I would figure out what was wrong in my current relationship and see if it was salvageable or break up with them. I have never broken that vow, although I know there is one guy out there who thinks I did. And for that I am really sorry. Here’s my public apology to that person because last I found out he was still very mad at me and will probably never let me speak to him in person: I am very sorry I hurt you. I was young. I regret that I did not know how to communicate back then and even now I am still learning.
From my tiny experience here is what I gleaned about cheating: A person feels like they are missing something from their life and/or from their partner, and MAYBE they didn’t realize they were missing this until someone else shows them or does something that gives them this feeling of being special. And they don’t know how to ask for it from their current partner, because it’s been so long and you’ve known that person for eternity. With the new person, someone is giving you your missing piece without having to ask, they heap you with attention and praise, and flatter you with beautiful words and actions. It’s like a puzzle piece. There is always going to be a piece missing/cut out and someone out there will have that piece that will fill that void. However, there will also be something cut out from that piece as well. But you don’t think of that, instead you emotionally feel revived and complete. That kind of emotion is like a drug, very addictive. And like a drug you don’t think about the consequences and how they will affect those around you, you just want that next high.
In other words, I realized that even though Guy B may have what Guy A was missing, after awhile, Guy B’s flaws will eventually show, which may or may not be fulfilled by Guy C…etc etc etc. Cheating turns into this vicious cycle of chasing the Beginning of the Relationship high again.
If you think about the phrase “The grass is always greener on the other side.” It may seem it, but once you get over there, the grass is just as green and you still have to take care of it and mow it. Everyone has flaws. You just have to think about whether those flaws are something you can tolerate and if you love that person so much the flaws don’t even matter in the grand scheme of things anyway.
Ok so back to the main reason why I bring up my back story. Kristen Stewart is 22, people! She’s been in a serious relationship since she was 18. She made a mistake, albeit publicly. Give her a break. This is life. I’m sure she’s learned from this VERY HARD lesson.
You Twi-hard fans might not be able to understand why she did it, since she has the guy who is “Edward”. She may have been attracted to Mr. Sanders because: 1. He’s older, 2. he’s in a position of power as her director but the BIG ONE may be #3. he may have said or done something for Kristen that got her curiosity tickled. Something that Robert Pattinson probably hasn’t done in awhile or at all for that matter, or in the case of one article #4: jealousy is a bitch. Rupert’s attraction to her could have been any of the following: 1. She’s younger and 2. she seems unpredictable therefore fascinating to a man who may always be going through the same thing at home.
And before you RPat fans get all up down my throat, think about it: What you are in “love/lust” with is his CHARACTER he portrays, Edward. This brooding, sexy vampire. But what about the guy who plays that character? Yes, you’ve seen Robert live in interviews and he SEEMS like a nice guy, that’s his job or how else is he going to positively promote his movies? Hell he could be a serial killer (probably not) or he may really be a nice guy. Here’s rooting for he’s a nice guy! But what you haven’t experienced is dating said nice guy. We don’t really know what he’s like behind closed doors. Only Kristen knows and any previous girlfriends and close friends knows what he’s really like. Same goes for all of those actors who are in the spotlight.
As common people we all have dated so you should know what I mean. All you kids that are just getting into the dating scene. Sometimes the person you think is really hot turns out to be a total douche or a manipulating bitch, but the person who you think is alright, turns out to be pretty awesome and that ups the attractiveness meter alot. When you’re with someone, when they’re comfortable around you, they will show you the real person that they are in private: They fart, they curse, they run around the grocery store like a 5 year old to make you laugh. But in public they are the epitome of grace and elegance and sexiness. So yes, there is a very good chance that RPat has flaws, as does Kristen, as does Rupert, as does everyone.
I am not condoning that what Kristen and Rupert did was right. No no no. I’m just saying that Kristen’s young and Rupert, well he should have known better. He has a family to think about. When you make those vows at your wedding, you don’t just say the words. Think about them and if you really mean it then get married. If you have the slightest doubt, don’t do it. And you have children.
I believe that if you cheat on Person A with Person B, and break up to then date Person B, I think Person B will always have in the back of their mind “Well if they could with me…how do I know that they won’t cheat on me too?” However, I am sure there are many situations where the relationships last. Anything is possible. Free will and all that.
Cheating I get it, it happens. It sucks, but it happens. However, I wish for everyone that when it happens, it happens when you’re young so that you can learn from the experience. But unfortunately it’s not up to me to decide when things happen. Make a personal vow to your own self-respect, if you find yourself at those crossroads evaluate your current position. Can you talk to your partner? If you don’t want to talk to them and are sick of the relationship, then just break up with them. A clean break is much easier than telling lies.
Relationships are a lot of work. When you find someone good and they are good for you, make it work. It’s totally worth it. Good luck! It’s a jungle out there!
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